I need new jeans. In itself, this should be a seemingly innocent, painfree and simple task. But, of course, we all know that it isn't. My mother once said that in life, there were certain things that were sent to try us. I can only imagine that she meant finding the perfect pair of jeans, because undoubtedly, that sits right up there at the top of the list. I'm putting it off for as long as possible, because inevitably, it will go something like this.
one : Right, today is the today, I will find the perfect pair of jeans!
two : oh my goodness, there are so many shops, I don’t know where to start…
three : why is it so loud in here? And why is everyone so skinny?
four : where are the bloody jeans?!
five : Right, here we go. I can do this. Perfect jeans here we come!
six : Oh good grief. There are more jeans here than I can shake a stick it. Skinny, Super Skinny, Super Skinny and soft, cropped, ankle grazer, seven eighths, mom fit, boyfriend fit, slim boyfriend fit, girlfriend fit, wide leg, boot leg, relaxed leg…relaxed?! How can I be relaxed?
seven : Why are there so many leg lengths? Where are the ones for short people?!
eight : Just calm down, you can do this.
nine : A ha! These look nice. And they are in my size. Excellent. No, wait. No. These are wrong. Very wrong. They have rips all down the back and zips at the ankle. Not quite what I am looking for.
ten : oh sod it. I will just try on every pair of jeans in the shop. One must be right.
eleven : Have these actually been made for children? I can’t even get these over my knees!
twelve : Right, let’s try the next size up…let’s see how we get on….DEAR LORD, why are these so big?! You could fit two of me in here!
thirteen : Is this curtain fully closed?
fourteen : I might actually have to lie on the ground to get these on…
fifteen : Please don’t let the button burst…..!
sixteen : And I’m in! Oh, wait, I can’t do up the zip.
seventeen : Nope, no….it’s not budging.
eighteen : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
nineteen : Right. Right. This pair isn’t so bad. Let’s turn around….yes, these are okay…
twenty : Time for the squat challenge….ah….not only can you see what I had for breakfast, I think you can see what I had for lunch and dinner the day before.
twenty one : this is obviously NOT the place. Next shop here we come!
twenty two : repeat steps three to twenty one.
twenty three : repeat steps three to twenty one again.
twenty four : and again…
twenty five : and again…
twenty six : Oh sod this. I’m just going to have to live in my pajama bottoms.
twenty seven : What would happen if I turned up for work in my pajama bottoms?
twenty eight : Home. With wine. And pajama bottoms. Thank goodness for an elasticated waistband.